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October 4, 2010 / paperkids

The sea between us

I recently found a poem that I wrote a while back, way before Emma started communicating.  I had been working on it over the course of last year, off and on, and I’m still not sure whether I really finished it.   I hadn’t written anything in a long time.   This was during a pretty low point when things were very hard and I was truly depressed.   I think I must’ve been trying to keep hope alive.   What words can really describe how I felt?  But finding this again reminded me of that time.  I longed not only to reach and understand Emma, but to pull myself out of the shadows and into the light.  I was becoming more and more aware of how my  sadness might be weighing heavy on the children.

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to share it.  This morning I held up the ipad to Emma.  She reached out.

Emma:  Read a poem

Me:  “I just found this poem I wrote a long time ago, before you were communicating like this.  Do you want me to read it?”

Emma:  yes

So I read it to her.

Emma:  I love it

Me:  “Should I put it on the blog?”

Emma:  Yes

Reading this again, I realize more than ever that nothing was lost. Emma has always been here with me and always will.

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4 Comments

Leave a Comment
  1. Molly / Oct 4 2010 9:42 pm

    So nice, so sweet, so real, so deep, so you.

    I love this picture!

  2. pat / Oct 4 2010 10:31 pm

    Maybe love’s deepest desire is response to it … or maybe that’s only the beginning and we’ve just skimmed the surface.

  3. Katie Cameron / Oct 7 2010 11:37 pm

    This brought me to tears. I know the pain you felt for so long – I felt it with you so often. It is such sweet fate that brings it to be posted here as a “I remember when” instead of venting your current state.

  4. Grandma / Oct 11 2010 12:32 am

    Gifted mother to gifted daughter, heart to heart.
    Our pain comes from doubt; our survival from faith.
    Thank you for sharing the beauty.
    Love you.

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